The Boldest Predictions You've Seen

What a second half we have to look forward to! Will Shaquille O'Neal, Kobe Bryant, and Phil Jackson rekindle their threesome in L.A.? What's happening with Phoenix? Who will be the beast of the East? How will the West be won? Who's going to get the MVP? Will Dikembe Mutumbo ever retire?

I have answers for all these questions and then some. This is my First Annual Post All-Star Bold Predictions for the 2009 NBA Season. Ok, so it's a working title.

Let's start with the debacle that's occuring in Phoenix. What a marketing nightmare for their publicist. Admist the All-Star festivities- in Phoenix mind you-there is a report that the Sun's are going to fire first-year coach Terry Porter. In his 52 games at the helm, Porter had his team at a 29-23. The problem isn't Porter, it's the team. They need to keep Amar'e Stoudemire. He is an absolute beast and has become the best player on this team with his 21-point, 8-rebound a night efforts. Keep that man-child happy. Steve Kerr has ruined this team with the addition of Shaquille O'Neal. He single-handedly ruined the most exciting team in the league. Shaq kills the mood of that team like this stimulus bill is killing the mood of Obama's honeymoon. They need to trade him...

...which brings me to the Los Angeles Lakers. Okay L.A., you officially have the attention of the Champion Celtics. The Lakers have played exceptionally well since the loss of their budding center, Andrew Bynum. Their 7-1 stretch-that featured wins at Boston and Cleveland-will not continuel, however if they can't find a long-term replacement for Bynum. Man, didn't Shaq and Kobe look real good sharing that All-Star MVP trophy? And, hey, wasn't that Phil Jackson on the bench of the Western Conference team? And I could have sworn the that the West blew out the East in that game. It couldn't be possible to see these three men get in bed together for one last shot at glory, could it? The starts seem alligned for it. Shaq knows that Kobe was the perfect Boy Wonder to his Superman persona. Kobe hasn't won a title since Shaq ran to South Beach. And Phil Jackson is still coaching for one reason and one reason only: to break the tie with Red Auerbach for the most NBA championships. With or without Shaq there's little doubt that they will be the top seed in the Western Conference. San Antonio will be a problem in the playoffs but, the Lakers will rule the regular season.

Now the most biased portion of this blog: The Boston Celtics are winning the Eastern Conference. However, I say that with very little conviction. The Cleveland Lebrons scare the you-know-what out of me. James is doing things this year that haven't been done since Oscar Robertson. He is without question the best player in the league. (Aha! A hint!). Having said that, the Celtics are just too good of a team. The Big Three aside, Rajon Rondo is coming into his own nicely (did you see Rondo take a shot at Kobe?! The kid's got brass ones, I'll tell ya.) Kendrick Perkins is slowly becoming a force in the paint. We need another big man though. I don't know how much longer I have to see Glen Davis shoot these 18-foot jumpers. It looks like he's doing the masonry for Xanadu.

Dwight Howard and the Orlando Magic can be a scary team, but the loss of All-Star guard Jameer Nelson kills the legitmacy of their championship aspirations.

It's a close fight for the MVP battle between Kobe, LeBron, and Dwayne Wade. But the conversation starts and ends with LeBron James. He dominates the game. Every minute. Every play the dude is there. He's threatening Vince Carter's record for highlight plays a night. Kobe has way too many great options on that team. And if Dwayne Wade had some older options on his team, he might actually have a chance against LeBron. This is just going to be the first of many for the Chosen One.

Defensive Player of the Year: C'mon is it even a question? Kevin Garnett. No one has a bigger impact on a team defensively than the Big Ticket.

Coach of the Year: Greg Popovich, San Antoino Spurs. He continues to get the most out of his team every night. And this Spurs team is an aging one. Thank God for Roger Mason Jr. And Pop's defensive genius.

Rookie of the Year: O.J. Mayo, G, Memphis Grizzlies. The kid has proven he can score at the pro level. His 19 points, 5 boards, and 3 assists stands out just slightly over the number one pick's, Derrick Rose, 17 points and 6 assists.

Sixth Man of the Year: Richard Hamilton, G, Detroit Pistons. I'm sorry Rip, but this award could be worse than Chad Pennington winning the Comeback Player of the Year Award twice. He should be a starter. The Pistons are his team. A back-handed compliment, but he still deserves the recognition.

The Biggest Team Cancer: Allen Iverson, G, Detroit Pistons. Pre-Allen Iverson Detroit Pistons: 334-158, 1 NBA title, and six straight appreances to the conference finals. The Allen Iverson Era: 23-25, good for the sixth seed in the top heavy East. Hhhmm.

Most Overrated Fantasy Player: Tracy McGrady, G, Houston Rockets. He's the hot girl who you can never have. He looks so good on the court, but the moment you get him- he craps out. This current knee injury is making me pull my hair out that traded LaMarcus Aldridge for him.

Most Underrated Fantasy Player: Troy Murphy, F, Indiana Pacers. Doesn't get much love because of the market and the sudden star Danny Granger. But his 13 points and 11 rebounds has been as steady as taxes for me. He makes me forget about not having Aldridge, if for only a moment.

Will Dikembe Mutumbo Ever Retire? I don't think anyone knows at this point. Just when we think we got the door locked, he kicks the door back down!

As for my final bold prediction of such a momentous entry, the winner of the whole shebang. You're probably all thinking that I was just going to pick the Celtics over the Lakers like every one else who's a C's fan. Well...quite frankly I'm offended.

It's going to be the Celtics over the Spurs! HA!

Phish-Bowling With Phelps

As it turns out, life can get higher for Olympic aqua-boy Michael Phelps. Phelps, 23, recently had a Kodak moment that would make Cheech and Chong choke on their joints. A photo of him released earlier this week shows the Olympian ripping bong hits while visiting the University of South Carolina.

Okay America, let's all take a big, collective breath. The Golden Boy is not selling himself for a crack-cocaine rock on the streets of Harlem. He never 'misremembered' taking steroids from Brian McNamee. No. He simply smoked marijuana. Hell, our last two leaders of the free world admitted to dabbling with the hippie lettuce. What's the problem with a college-aged young adult indulging in some vices?

Yes, Michael Phelps is a role model for kids. Yes, he is under the strict microscope of being America's poster boy. Should he be reprimanded for actions? In my humble opinion, no. But I understand that actions must have consequences. And since the photo was released to the public, USA swimming has suspended Phelps for three months. On top of that, the Kellog Company released a statement saying they will not be renewing their contract with Phelps.

And if all that wasn't enough, the state of South Carolina are investigating if they can bring him up on charges. Well, I guess everyone needs their fifteen minutes in the lime light.

The International Olympic Committee said while marijuana is not a "performance-enhancing" drug, they are still investigating how to approach the situation. Are you kidding me? Not a performance-enhancing drug? If it were to reach the public that Phelps hit the water-pipe before the water and still blew everyone out of the pool, I think the I.O.C. would have to give him the gold and silver medals.

The only aspect of performance-enhancing marijuana would aid would be helping stomach Phelps' rigorous 12,000 calorie-a-day diet. But he's not munching on Doritos or Cheetohs for two-and-a-half hours while watching Half-Baked.

For Breakfast, Phelps begins with three fried-egg sandwiches loaded with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions and mayonnaise. Two cups of coffee. One five-egg omelet. One bowl of grits. Three slices of French toast topped with powdered sugar. Three chocolate-chip pancakes.

For Lunch he has one pound of enriched pasta, two large ham and cheese sandwiches with mayo on white bread and energy drinks packing 1,000 calories.

Finally for dinner he cools down with another pound of pasta, one entire pizza and guzzles down more energy drinks.

Despite the bad publicity and all the shots taken on late-night talk shows, Phelps' image will only be tarnished for the time being. If anything, this could be a blessing for the kid. He has been in such high demand since his record-setting performance in Beijing, it seems as if he hasn't had time to breath, or perhaps exhale. Phelps could use this time to relax and step out of the lime light until the 2012 Olympics in London. Hopefully for him, this smoke will have blown over by then.