The 20 Biggest Jokes in Sports

It's April 1st! The day that's filled with pranks, punk'ds, gags, and jokes. In honor of super-glueing your professor to his chair and putting dead fish in the air ducts of your local high school here's a special edition of the Improper Sportsonian. There is no better way to celebrate such a festive holiday in the blogging world than to rank the 20 biggest jokes in sports.

For the purpose of this list the meaning of the term "joke" is going to be twisted. One who is a "joke" is a person(s) who draws unwanted attention for their bone-headed antics (i.e. off the field legal troubles, not living up to the hype, serious foot-in-mouth situations, poor performance, etc.). To use it in a sentence one may say, "Man, that Memphis defense was a joke last weekend," or "Carlos Mencia is a joke. He doesn't make jokes. He's simply a joke,". To call one a joke is a form of ridicule, usually causing laughter amongst others. So without further ado, let's get on with the list.

20. Rasheed Wallace, F, Detroit Pistons: The walking technical foul. Piston's fans pull their hair out watching Wallace get T'd up for crying about the game, costing his team probably a dozen losses over the years. From his times blazing with the Trailblazers to his most 3/31 ejection for his second technical foul of the game coming after missing his last 11 games. BONEHEAD!

19. 2008-2009 Detroit Lions: I mean, come on. The team went 0-16! Do I really have to elaborate on this one? I mean, the team did not win a game! Not one!

18. Mike Tyson: Let's face it, the guy is a grade A lunatic. His wrap sheet: one half bitten ear, a foreclosed mansion, a Siberian tiger, a facial tatoo, and he happens to have a 13-year-old's voice and can still tear me from limb to limb. Yeah, he's a joke alright.


17. John Rocker: Remember this guy? The Atlanta Braves redneck closer who ran his mouth about his distaste for the diverse city of New York. A classless bigot, who now sports a lovely mullet.


16. Shaquille O'Neal's acting career: One word. Shazaam. That says it all.

15. Al Davis, owner, Oakland Raiders: Even at his decaying age, Davis still finds ways to make headlines. Whether it's signing aging big name players (Randy Moss) or making bad moves in the draft (OL Robert Gallery) he will always leave you scratching your head. He runs through coaches like Rosie O'Donnell runs through donuts.

14. Kwame Brown, C, Detroit Pistons: The no. 1 overall pick of the 2001 draft was hand-picked by Sir Airness himself. What has he done you ask? Only average seven points and five rebounds in his seven year career. Can you say bust?

13. Sean Avery, LW, New York Rangers: I hate to put him on the list, but how can you deny that this guy's a joke? He pesters and pokes opposing players, annoying them like that fly who just won't leave you alone. Hell, he even has his own rule named after him, The "Avery Rule", which makes face-guarding the opposing goalie illegal. ESPN has a good list of his most memorable antics.

12. Joe Morgan, announcer, Sunday Night Baseball: I know John Madden gets a lot of flack for driving Pat Summerall to drink for his useless commentary, but Morgan just might be worse. To avoid the embarrassment of being wrong, he opts to say nothing at all. Unfortunately for him, everyone still laughs at him.

ESPN colleague, Joe Morgan, was asked about the Boston Red Sox and Cubs having seven players in the All-Star Game. Morgan made his comments before Holliday replaced Soriano. “In the case of the Cubs, I think it’s more of a popularity deal,” Morgan said. “If I’m a player, I don’t like that. . . . The Red Sox deserve this because they are world champions. The Cubs are not world champions. “From a player’s perspective, I don’t like the fact that the Cubs got more than anybody else. I understand why the Red Sox did.” However, Morgan says he considers the Cubs the best team in the NL.

11. Sammy Sosa: The guy played 18 seasons in the United States, yet when asked about his alleged steriod use in congress he says he cannot understand the questioning. In addition, when his bat exploded during a game only to reveal that the barrel of the bat was filled with cork he said it was a bat he uses during batting practice. Rrrriiiiiigghhtt. The only thing we hate more than cheaters in sports is liars. Unfortunately for Sammy, he's both.

10. 1984 Portland Trailblazers player evaluators: It's the 1984 NBA Draft and the Portland Trailblazers have the number two overall pick and they take Sam Bowie, a center from University of Kentucky. The problem? Bowie averaged 10 points and 7 rebounds over ten years. While the number three pick went on to win six NBA championships, 5 MVP titles, and be a 13 time All-Star. His name? Michael Jeffrey Jordan.

9. The Josh McDaniels-Jay Cutler Soap Opera: I know a few posts back I said McDaniels would be a great coach...give me a few minutes to remove the foot from my mouth. Aah much better. Needless to say McDaniels head coaching career is been screwed up from jump street. McDaniels and Cutler both need to stop acting like a bunch of babies because they didn't get their way.

8. The New York Knickerbockers: What happened to this team?The Knicks were in the NBA Finals twice during the 90's and have suddenly become the laughing stock of the league. From signing overvalued players to former GM Isiah Thomas asking an associate to "get him some bacon and eggs" to the recent events with guard Stephon Marbury, the Knicks have wrote the book on how to lose all your credibility in a little over two years.

7. John Daly, pro golfer: Ever hear a car crash described as "so horrifying that you can't look away"? They say the same thing about Daly. A once-promising golfer, Daly let it all slip away from his battle with his weight, alcoholism, smoking, and gambling.

6. Michael Jordan's baseball career: And to think the first time he retired after winning three consecutive NBA titles to hit .202 for the double-A Birmingham Barons. The man can soar through the air like a fricken eagle, but he can't hit a minor league fastball.

5. Ron Artest, G/F, Houston Rockets: This is another guy I'd just like to watch in his own environment. The St. John's product has imploded on every team he's ever been on. From the "Malice at the Palace" to him wanting to take time off to pursue his rap career to his blow ups on the court. This is just one of the many oncourt mishaps.


4. Adam "PacMan" Jones, Free Agent: The guy had it all: a first-round pick, a buttload of money, a promising career ahead of him. There's no doubt that PacMan could've been a special player in the NFL, but he'd rather spend his time with goons "making it rain" at strip clubs. Even when Jerry Jones gave him a second chance, he blew it. What was the on-going joke for the Presidential elections? You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig? Yeah, I think that can be applicable for PacMan.

3. Bobby Petrino, head coach, Arkansas Razorbacks: Just 13 games into his NFL head coaching career, in which the Falcons won only 3 games, left to fill the vacancy at Arkansas. Petrino signed at 5-year $24 million contract with hopes of utilizing ultra-athlete Michael Vick. Vick was sentenced to prison of course and, thus, left the Falcons with little to replace him. Not only is this a sign of a weak-minded man, but sends a bad message to people everywhere. If you agree to do your job, do it. Simple as that. And to make matters worse, he didn't even have the grapefruits to address his team in person about his decision to leave prematurely. No. Instead he typed out a letter that was left in each player's lockerroom. That was not a typo. He actually typed the letter. How insensitive can this guy be? The players' reactions were quite candid, as you may have expected.

2.Ryan Leaf: Probably the biggest bust in NFL draft history. The number two overall pick of the 1998 draft didn't really workout. A prototypical quarterback in size (6-5, 245 lbs.), Leaf turned out to have the mental stability of Britney Spears. Lacking a brain aside, Leaf just flat out couldn't play in the NFL. In his 21-game career, he went a whopping 4-17. To top it off he threw twice as many picks (36) as he did scores (14). This came as a surpise after Leaf posted a 3,637-yard, 33-touchdown, 10-interception final season for Washington State.

1,Brett Farve: This one may leave you scratching your heads. Why would one of the greatest players of all time be a joke? Quite the sacreligious move if I do say so myself. No single player in sports is more overrated than the great Brett Favre. ESPN turns into a 13-year-old school girl when a story of Farve surfaces; devoting countless hours of coverage towards the "Brett Farve Summer Saga". They are so quick to say "the kid at heart just wants to play", but he really did just need to grow up. You're a man's man, Brett. (Or at least his Wrangler commercials say so). Grow up and make a decision. He held the entire NFL off-season for ransom and sucked as much TV facetime out of it as he could. And how does this ego-maniac follow this up? He goes 9-7, losing four of his last five, throwing 22 TDs and 22 INTs. Wow. I know I'm impressed. You're a joke Brett Farve. And everyone else who still sees him as the southern gunslinger who owned the Frozen Tundra is a joke too. And get this, new coach Eric Mangini offered an invite to Farve for training camp. Give me a break, just leave already. Get that man a walker.

So there you have it, the 20 biggest jokes in sports. If you think I missed anyone or was way off on a player, let me hear it. Other than that, I'll see ya when the baseball season kicks off!