Manny Ramirez: The Death of a Hitsman

Okay, okay I've been slacking I know. I'm a man. I can own up to my mistakes. But I will boldly back up by putting the blame on my busted computer. I should have never trusted the "dude" from the Dell commercials.

I couldn't have picked a worse time to stop writing to be honest. What did I miss? Let's see...the Patriots proving they still are the smartest team in the league, the Celtics and Bulls putting on the best performance since the 2003 VMA's, the top-seeded Bruins running a train on their storied rivals, the maturation of a "Big Baby", the Red Sox getting their usual early season jump start on the Yankees.

But not everything has been smiles for this die-hard Boston fan. I was woken up Thursday morning from my phone vibrating non-stop with text messages. As I wipe the crusties out of my eyes and avoid thinking about my painstaking hangover, I realize what has happened. All of them said the same thing. Why Manny, why? Arguably the best right-handed hitter of all time, Manny Ramirez was being suspended 50 games for using performance-enhancing drugs. What kind of drugs you ask? Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG), a female fertility drug frequently used by steroid users to restore testosterone levels. How embarrassing. My favorite player (more importantly a surefire Hall-of-Famer) got caught taking fertility drugs. I feel like my girlfriend just cheated on me and showed me the video of it.

I would love to be able to say that he is an aging player who slipped up and made an honest mistake. After all, his name has never been close to this steroid epidemic in baseball. But I have been down this road before with another great slugger, Barry Bonds. As a kid, I loved Bonds. He didn't take crap from anyone and he was the most feared hitter in the game. (I mean, he was the only guy I saw intentionally walked with the bases loaded in the 9th to avoid the likelihood that Bonds would have gone yard.) And I didn't want to believe that he did steroids. That's how I feel about Manny. For so long I defended "Manny being Manny" and had his back on everything; from showing up late to Spring Training, to his brain farts in the outfield, to him refusing to pinch-hit on his day off. What always made his defense so justifiable was his production on the field. I could look past him being an asshole because he was a producing one. But now to hear that he's a cheating asshole is simply heart-breaking.

Manny Ramirez was not only beloved by the fans in Boston or L.A., but all over. In fact, most of those text messages I got questioning ManRam's actions were from Yankee fans. It was his nonchalant attitude to the game, a flair for dramatics, and his child-like approach to life in general that made him lovable to fans. The things that made him iconic in Boston as well as the league have to be in-question now. Ramirez hit .366 with 2 HRs and 11 RBIs on his way to the 2004 World Series MVP. He drove in astounding 330 runs combined in the 1998 and '99 seasons. He is second all-time with 20 career grand slams; not to mention his 533 home runs and 1,745 runs batted in. AND he is single-handily responsible for the emergence of the "Big Papi" in David Ortiz (Ortiz has hardly been Big Papi since Manny's departure sporting a less-than-impressive 8 homers and 69 RBIs.)

Once your name has been linked to steroids it's already too late. If you're negatively labeled as an abuser (like Albert Pujols being named in Jose Canseco's second tell-all book), or admit your wrongdoings and try to pick up the pieces to your career (Jason Giambi)--the stigma of steroids will always linger around your name. Manny now has 50 games to think about how he will approach this situation and better himself from the mistakes he has made.

But that also gives reporters 50 games to dig up all the dirt they can on this new hot story. And it'll give the fans 50 games to think about Manny's career and the legitmacy it holds after such damaging allegations. (Someone should give him A-Rod's number. He'll know what to do in this situation.) The fans of Ramirez, like myself, must feel cheated that he cheated. As a 21-year-old, I grew up with Manny playing on the Sox; and he was unquestionably my favorite player. I mean, what wasn't there to love about a player like Manny? The guy could flat-out hit. In any situation; in the first inning of a meaningless game, down to his final strike with the bases loaded, with a bomb going off in the building. People say that there's nothing between his ears, but I'd argue that he didn't let anything get in there. I never saw him distracted at the plate. I never saw him intimidated. Baseball always seemed like break from the real world to him. It wasn't until his final days with Boston that he let himself get bigger than game.

I know he had a reputation of being a space-case and that he had a lazy approach to the game. Curt Schilling had the same perception of Ramirez before joining the Sox in 2003. Schilling was under the impression that shortstop Nomar Garciaparra was the student of the game and took a similar approach to the game as Ted Williams and Manny was simply a gifted player with natural talent. It was quite the contrary as Schilling would arrive to the ballpark early only to find Ramirez already well into his pregame work out.

I can personally attest to his work ethic. For the last two summers I was lucky enough to work at Fenway and would have to be ther hours before the gates open. Needless to say I did little work there and would continuously watch Manny at batting practice. He definitely had his fair share of balls that would clear Lansdowne Street, but often he would work on his situational hitting: moving runners along, going the other way with the ball.

However, it's often easier to remember the bad rather than the good and that's how we will remember Manny. It's unfortunate that the Red Sox two titles will have this dark cloud hanging over them because he was--obviously--a critical part of those teams. Like a mother to her kids: I am not mad or upset, simply disappointed. I looked up to Manny and even envied him for the carefree life he lived. I wish nothing but the best for him, but I fear this will be the beginning of the end for ManRam. I know not everyone shares the same thoughts of Ramirez as I do. Actually, I believe I am the minority on this subject. I grew up watching Manny become Manny and this isn't what Manny being Manny is all about.

The 20 Biggest Jokes in Sports

It's April 1st! The day that's filled with pranks, punk'ds, gags, and jokes. In honor of super-glueing your professor to his chair and putting dead fish in the air ducts of your local high school here's a special edition of the Improper Sportsonian. There is no better way to celebrate such a festive holiday in the blogging world than to rank the 20 biggest jokes in sports.

For the purpose of this list the meaning of the term "joke" is going to be twisted. One who is a "joke" is a person(s) who draws unwanted attention for their bone-headed antics (i.e. off the field legal troubles, not living up to the hype, serious foot-in-mouth situations, poor performance, etc.). To use it in a sentence one may say, "Man, that Memphis defense was a joke last weekend," or "Carlos Mencia is a joke. He doesn't make jokes. He's simply a joke,". To call one a joke is a form of ridicule, usually causing laughter amongst others. So without further ado, let's get on with the list.

20. Rasheed Wallace, F, Detroit Pistons: The walking technical foul. Piston's fans pull their hair out watching Wallace get T'd up for crying about the game, costing his team probably a dozen losses over the years. From his times blazing with the Trailblazers to his most 3/31 ejection for his second technical foul of the game coming after missing his last 11 games. BONEHEAD!

19. 2008-2009 Detroit Lions: I mean, come on. The team went 0-16! Do I really have to elaborate on this one? I mean, the team did not win a game! Not one!

18. Mike Tyson: Let's face it, the guy is a grade A lunatic. His wrap sheet: one half bitten ear, a foreclosed mansion, a Siberian tiger, a facial tatoo, and he happens to have a 13-year-old's voice and can still tear me from limb to limb. Yeah, he's a joke alright.


17. John Rocker: Remember this guy? The Atlanta Braves redneck closer who ran his mouth about his distaste for the diverse city of New York. A classless bigot, who now sports a lovely mullet.


16. Shaquille O'Neal's acting career: One word. Shazaam. That says it all.

15. Al Davis, owner, Oakland Raiders: Even at his decaying age, Davis still finds ways to make headlines. Whether it's signing aging big name players (Randy Moss) or making bad moves in the draft (OL Robert Gallery) he will always leave you scratching your head. He runs through coaches like Rosie O'Donnell runs through donuts.

14. Kwame Brown, C, Detroit Pistons: The no. 1 overall pick of the 2001 draft was hand-picked by Sir Airness himself. What has he done you ask? Only average seven points and five rebounds in his seven year career. Can you say bust?

13. Sean Avery, LW, New York Rangers: I hate to put him on the list, but how can you deny that this guy's a joke? He pesters and pokes opposing players, annoying them like that fly who just won't leave you alone. Hell, he even has his own rule named after him, The "Avery Rule", which makes face-guarding the opposing goalie illegal. ESPN has a good list of his most memorable antics.

12. Joe Morgan, announcer, Sunday Night Baseball: I know John Madden gets a lot of flack for driving Pat Summerall to drink for his useless commentary, but Morgan just might be worse. To avoid the embarrassment of being wrong, he opts to say nothing at all. Unfortunately for him, everyone still laughs at him.

ESPN colleague, Joe Morgan, was asked about the Boston Red Sox and Cubs having seven players in the All-Star Game. Morgan made his comments before Holliday replaced Soriano. “In the case of the Cubs, I think it’s more of a popularity deal,” Morgan said. “If I’m a player, I don’t like that. . . . The Red Sox deserve this because they are world champions. The Cubs are not world champions. “From a player’s perspective, I don’t like the fact that the Cubs got more than anybody else. I understand why the Red Sox did.” However, Morgan says he considers the Cubs the best team in the NL.

11. Sammy Sosa: The guy played 18 seasons in the United States, yet when asked about his alleged steriod use in congress he says he cannot understand the questioning. In addition, when his bat exploded during a game only to reveal that the barrel of the bat was filled with cork he said it was a bat he uses during batting practice. Rrrriiiiiigghhtt. The only thing we hate more than cheaters in sports is liars. Unfortunately for Sammy, he's both.

10. 1984 Portland Trailblazers player evaluators: It's the 1984 NBA Draft and the Portland Trailblazers have the number two overall pick and they take Sam Bowie, a center from University of Kentucky. The problem? Bowie averaged 10 points and 7 rebounds over ten years. While the number three pick went on to win six NBA championships, 5 MVP titles, and be a 13 time All-Star. His name? Michael Jeffrey Jordan.

9. The Josh McDaniels-Jay Cutler Soap Opera: I know a few posts back I said McDaniels would be a great coach...give me a few minutes to remove the foot from my mouth. Aah much better. Needless to say McDaniels head coaching career is been screwed up from jump street. McDaniels and Cutler both need to stop acting like a bunch of babies because they didn't get their way.

8. The New York Knickerbockers: What happened to this team?The Knicks were in the NBA Finals twice during the 90's and have suddenly become the laughing stock of the league. From signing overvalued players to former GM Isiah Thomas asking an associate to "get him some bacon and eggs" to the recent events with guard Stephon Marbury, the Knicks have wrote the book on how to lose all your credibility in a little over two years.

7. John Daly, pro golfer: Ever hear a car crash described as "so horrifying that you can't look away"? They say the same thing about Daly. A once-promising golfer, Daly let it all slip away from his battle with his weight, alcoholism, smoking, and gambling.

6. Michael Jordan's baseball career: And to think the first time he retired after winning three consecutive NBA titles to hit .202 for the double-A Birmingham Barons. The man can soar through the air like a fricken eagle, but he can't hit a minor league fastball.

5. Ron Artest, G/F, Houston Rockets: This is another guy I'd just like to watch in his own environment. The St. John's product has imploded on every team he's ever been on. From the "Malice at the Palace" to him wanting to take time off to pursue his rap career to his blow ups on the court. This is just one of the many oncourt mishaps.


4. Adam "PacMan" Jones, Free Agent: The guy had it all: a first-round pick, a buttload of money, a promising career ahead of him. There's no doubt that PacMan could've been a special player in the NFL, but he'd rather spend his time with goons "making it rain" at strip clubs. Even when Jerry Jones gave him a second chance, he blew it. What was the on-going joke for the Presidential elections? You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig? Yeah, I think that can be applicable for PacMan.

3. Bobby Petrino, head coach, Arkansas Razorbacks: Just 13 games into his NFL head coaching career, in which the Falcons won only 3 games, left to fill the vacancy at Arkansas. Petrino signed at 5-year $24 million contract with hopes of utilizing ultra-athlete Michael Vick. Vick was sentenced to prison of course and, thus, left the Falcons with little to replace him. Not only is this a sign of a weak-minded man, but sends a bad message to people everywhere. If you agree to do your job, do it. Simple as that. And to make matters worse, he didn't even have the grapefruits to address his team in person about his decision to leave prematurely. No. Instead he typed out a letter that was left in each player's lockerroom. That was not a typo. He actually typed the letter. How insensitive can this guy be? The players' reactions were quite candid, as you may have expected.

2.Ryan Leaf: Probably the biggest bust in NFL draft history. The number two overall pick of the 1998 draft didn't really workout. A prototypical quarterback in size (6-5, 245 lbs.), Leaf turned out to have the mental stability of Britney Spears. Lacking a brain aside, Leaf just flat out couldn't play in the NFL. In his 21-game career, he went a whopping 4-17. To top it off he threw twice as many picks (36) as he did scores (14). This came as a surpise after Leaf posted a 3,637-yard, 33-touchdown, 10-interception final season for Washington State.

1,Brett Farve: This one may leave you scratching your heads. Why would one of the greatest players of all time be a joke? Quite the sacreligious move if I do say so myself. No single player in sports is more overrated than the great Brett Favre. ESPN turns into a 13-year-old school girl when a story of Farve surfaces; devoting countless hours of coverage towards the "Brett Farve Summer Saga". They are so quick to say "the kid at heart just wants to play", but he really did just need to grow up. You're a man's man, Brett. (Or at least his Wrangler commercials say so). Grow up and make a decision. He held the entire NFL off-season for ransom and sucked as much TV facetime out of it as he could. And how does this ego-maniac follow this up? He goes 9-7, losing four of his last five, throwing 22 TDs and 22 INTs. Wow. I know I'm impressed. You're a joke Brett Farve. And everyone else who still sees him as the southern gunslinger who owned the Frozen Tundra is a joke too. And get this, new coach Eric Mangini offered an invite to Farve for training camp. Give me a break, just leave already. Get that man a walker.

So there you have it, the 20 biggest jokes in sports. If you think I missed anyone or was way off on a player, let me hear it. Other than that, I'll see ya when the baseball season kicks off!

Major League Baseball Preview 2009 (part deux)

Nothing like spending the wee hours in the morning talking about baseball. Let's see..where did I leave off last? Aaah yes, the Red Sox just defeated the Rays in seven games of the American League Championship Series.

Mmm, I can already taste the champagne. Although, if the WBC continues to chew up and spit out key contributors for the Sox the plans may change. (Did you see Jeter "accidently" land on Youk's ankle, sending back to Fort Myers in the process. Coincidence? I think not. Take note Japan: You force Dice-K to get injured in an over-glorified exhibition and this means war! Forget WWII!) Nevertheless, I digress.

The senior circuit, suffering a 12-game winless streak in the Mid-Summer Classic while losing seven of the last twelve Fall Classics, has lived up to its nickname playing like a bunch of geriatrics compared to their AL counterparts.

Having said that, the National League looks to be on the rise with promising teams young teams (Arizona Diamondbacks, Florida Marlins) battling for supremacy with teams poised for greatness (Philadelphia Phillies, New York Mets, Chicago Cubs). Opposite of the American League, in the NL pitching is at a surplus. So it will be up to the offenses to produce against superior starting pitching.

The Phillies are the reigning World Champions, but the road back will filled with congestion. The Chicago Cubs have reloaded and look to break the Curse of the Billy Goat. My advise to the Cubs: keep Bartman out of the stands, because this could be your year!

NL East:
1. Philadelphia Phillies: A top-flite rotation from top to bottom; anchored by a perfect closer; add an offense featuring three MVP candidates; throw in Raul Ibanez's consistent .290 Avg, 20 HRs, & 1o0 RBI and you have a recipe made for a repeat. Too much salt in the wounds (SP Cole Hamels' sore elbow) may spoil this dish for the Philly Phanatics. Potential wins: 90-92

2. New York Mets: The additions of RHP J.J. Putz and record-setting closer Francisco Rodriguez seem nice on paper, but K-Rod looked real shakey at times in the laid-back OC. How will he fair when his back's against the wall under the lights of CitiField. How much longer can 1B Carlos Delgado continue to be productive? If the Mets do anything this September, it will be on the shoulders of Delgado and SP Johan Santana. But expect another Fall collapse. Potential wins: 85-88

3. Florida Marlins: The only two reasons anyone will be mentioning the Marlins all year: stud shortstop Hanley Ramirez and their promising young rotation (RHP Rickey Nolasco-3.52 ERA, RHP Josh Johnson-7-1 '08 record, RHP Chris Volstad- 2.88 ERA, Anibal Sanchez-threw no-hitter in 2006, LHP Andrew Miller-Key player in Miguel Cabrera trade). Potential wins: 80-83

4. Atlanta Braves: Geez, what happened to this franchise? Wasn't it only a few years ago that Maddux, Glavine and Smoltz anchored that rotation? Wait..wait. You're kidding me, right? You mean to tell me that Derek Lowe, Javier Vazquez, and a 42-year-old Glavine are the starters? Llllooooollll! Potential wins: 75-79

5. Washington Nationals: Do you think self-proclaimed sports fanatic, President Barack Obama, knows there's a professional baseball team in his backyard? Me neither. A Light at the End of the Tunnel: Draft San Diego State Aztecs pitcher Stephen Strausberg no. 1 overall. The dude is the truth. Potential wins: 59-64

NL Central:
1. Chicago Cubs: An already professional lineup 1-9 (Zambrano can hit clean-up on my team any day!) received a facelift with the addition of switch-hitting hothead, OF Milton Bradley. Bradley gives fellow hothead, manager Lou Pinealla, lefty-righty flexibility; a flaw exposed in the NLDS against the Dodgers last October. Potential wins: 95-100

2. St. Louis Cardinals*: Outside of 1B Albert Pujols and the back-from-the-dead Rick Ankiel, they have questions offensively. But with a healthy Adam Wainwright and a healthier Chris Carpernter (2005 Cy Young winner, remember him?) they can compete with any team come October. Plus, never count out manager Tony LaRussa; the Mastermind of the Bullpen always has a few tricks up his sleeve he plays during the stretch run. Potential wins: 87-91

3. Cincinnati Reds: A solid top three in the rotation (Aaron Harang, Edinson Volquez, and Johnny Cueto) with better-than-average guys in the back (Bronson Arroyo and Micah Owings). All-Star 2B Brandon Phillips is a fantasy stud, but is even more valuable to his own team. Potential wins: 73-76

4. Houston Astros: A hick, Fat Elvis, a steroid-abuser, a metrosexual asain, and a guy who actually prefers the nickname "El Caballo". The newest hand-picked cast of The Real World? Oh..just the 2009 Houston Astros. I guess I'll wait to catch the marathon. Potential wins: 70-74

5. Milwaukee Brewers: They will feel the aftershock of going all or nothing with C.C. Sabathia. The losses of Sabathia and Ben Sheets leave the Brew Crew's rotation thinner than Calista Flockhart on Yom Kippur (Chalk one up for all the Jews reading this!) Prince and Ryan Braun can only carry this team so far. Potential wins: 72-74

6. Pittsburgh Pirates: You'd think the Pirates would pick up a few tips from their football counterpart. 1. Like a good defense wins Super Bowls, good pitching always beats good hitting. 2. Get an Emergency-James-Harrison-In-A-Glass and carry it with you whenever you need a big play. Potential wins: 65-69

NL West:
1. Arizona Diamondbacks: Two Cy Young caliber starting pitchers. An above average bullpen. A lineup that has something to prove (i.e. Can 2B Mark Reynolds strike out less than 200 times? Will Jackson, Upton, Drew, and Young finally breakthrough to All-Star status?) Sounds like a similar D-Backs team. Ask a Yankee fan, I'm sure they know. Name to Remember: SP Max Scherzer. Potential wins: 89-91

2. Los Angeles Dodgers: Even more important than the second helping of Manny-Being-Manny in LaLa Land will be the emergence of young stud LHP Clayton Kershaw. Kershaw faced some bumps in the bigs (5-5, 4.26 ERA), but showed signs of brillance (6IP, 1ER, 1BB, 6SO in ND against MIL 8/17). First baseman James Loney will continue to ascend in the rankings as one of the best young hitters in the league. Potential wins: 88-90

3. Colorado Rockies: The Rox have a silver slugging infield (Helton-1, Barmes-2, Atkins-3, Tulowitzki-SS, & Iannetta-C) That lineup thrives off the thin Denver air, but the pitching staff must despise seeing their breaking pitches flaten out. A pitcher's graveyard; which makes SP Aaron Cook's success even more impressive. Potential wins: 79-82

4. San Francisco Giants: They were known around the country for their prolific hitter in left field. Thanks to age, drugs, tell-all books, high profile court cases,ex-mistresses with loose lips- take your pick- the Giants now don't have a hitter. Period. SP Tim Lincecum a.k.a The White Pedro Martinez won't give up his Cy Young trophy easily, especially with HOFer Randy Johnson's brain to pick. Potential wins: 73-78

5. San Diego Padres: Didn't Trevor Hoffman leave the Pads? Ppphh. If he doesn't want any part of them, why would anyone? Jake Peavy will be the bell of the ball come July 31. Potential wins: 63-65
(*-denotes Wildcard Team)

Playoff Picture:
Cubs over Diamondbacks
Phillies over Cardinals
Cubs over Phillies

MVP: Hanley Ramirez, FLA
Cy Young: Tim Lincecum, SF
ROY: Matt Gamel, MIL
Manager of the Year: Fredi Gonzalez, FLA

2009 World Series- The Dream Series: The once cursed Boston Red Sox face off against the currently cursed Chicago Cubs. While many in the Windy City will have their blades raised ready to slay their sacrificial lamb--err goat, do not forget that Terry Francona is a perfect 8-0 in World Series play and a team that is bursting at the seams with experience. It won't be a clean sweep, but the Cubs will have to wait until next year because Bartman will buy a ticket to game 6 and ruin any chance of a historic comeback. Red Sox over Cubs, 4-2.

Call me biased. Call me unprofessional. But before the hypocrites cast thy stones remeber this: the 2008 Sox were one game away from reaching the World Series, and they have a healthy David Ortiz, the reigning MVP, and some of the best all-around pitching in the league.

If that didn't do it for ya, well, avoid the face. It's my money maker.

Major League Baseball Preview 2009 (part one)

The month of March is loaded with action for the 20-something sports fan: the NBA playoff picture becomes clearer, the NHL gears up for their second season, and March Madness sweeps the nation for two and a half weeks. It would easy to write about the diaper dandies, bubble bursters, and prime-time players. But this week, I'm choosing to stay away from the over exposure of the immortal Dick Vitale (Anyone else find it ironic that a creep like Vitale is the number one spokesman for Hooters?) and the madness. In the meantime let's talk about the national pastime.

Yes, folks, the 2009 baseball season is nearly among us and what better to get ready for than to make another slew of bold predictions?

Despite a woeful off-season filled with steroid-abusers, a lack luster World Baseball Classic, and obnoxious Phillies fans still hung over from October I still have very high hopes for the season. One thing Major League Baseball has done well in recent years is develop young, marketable talent (i.e. Tim Lincecum, SF, Dustin Pedroia & Kevin Youkilis, BOS, Hanley Ramirez, FLA, Josh Hamilton, TEX, and the entire Tampa Bay team). These players are guys who play the game right and can be respected by the youth of America.

Thanks to the collective-bargaining agreement, there is finally parody in this league (minus Kansas City, and Washington). That's definitely something that has been missing, and with it now present adds a whole new factor to watching the games. Come August and September there could be, potentially, 15 teams fighting for eight playoff spots--think NFL without the bone-crushing hits.

But Without further ado, here is how the season will transpire in the American League.

AL East:
1. Tampa Bay Rays- The biggest problem with the '08 Rays? Inexperience. Well, these young guns have a trip to the World Series under their belt. Expect the great to get greater (i.e. B.J. Upton, Evan Longoria). The addition of DH Pat Burrell will lengthen an already stellar lineup. The Rays are down-right scary in the starting rotation (James Shields, Scott Kazmir, Matt Garza, Andy Sonnanstine, and 2007 No. 1 pick David Price). Where is the break for opposing lineups? Potential wins: 96-100

2. Boston Red Sox*- The Sox have depth at pitching with the economic additions of Brad Penny, John Smoltz, and Takashi Saito. Look for Josh Beckett to rebound from a mediocre season and Jon Lester to have an all-star caliber season. Questions about DH David Ortiz's health are valid, but offensively this team is loaded with professional hitters. They get on base, and move runners along--something Sox of teams old did not always do. Potential wins: 93-97

3. New York Yankees- Their second straight year missing the playoffs. Why? They have become an aging soap opera. The Texiera signing will make losing A-Rod less painful, but I'm not expecting too much from the tabloid queen when he returns. Sabathia is a horse, but in the playoffs he's a less-than-stellar 2-3 with a 7.92 ERA with 22 earned runs and 22 walks. A.J. Burnett seems only to be great when no one is watching. If a pitcher is great in Canada and no one knows it, is he still great? I don't think so. Potential wins: 89-92

4. Toronto Blue Jays- They have some good core players on both sides of the ball (i.e. Halladay, Ryan, Wells, Rios) but can't seem to field a solid team year in and year out. They are going to be beat up by the three teams mentioned above, but against the rest of the league they will compete. Potential wins: 80-85

5. Baltimore Orioles- Oh, how this once well-respected franchise has fallen. Offensively, they have a good core of young players lead by 2b Brian Roberts and 3b Melvin Mora. Look for great seasons from OF Nick Markakis and Luke Scott. But expect their pitching to get pounded, because all-around it's pretty thin. They will regret putting all their eggs in the Texiera basket and not going for a front-of-line starter. Potential wins: 66-70

AL Central:
1. Minnesota Twins- What is it about these Twins' teams? No matter the team they put on the field, their players always produce. Credit manager Ron Gardenhire and his crew for stressing the fundamentals. Remember Francisco Liriano 2006 rookie campaign? 12-3 with a 2.16 ERA and 144 K's in 121 innings pitched. Well, this year he's fully recovered from Tommy John Surgery. You have been warned. Potenial wins: 92-95

2. Chicago White Sox- A somewhat aging team, but young studs 2b Alexei Ramirez and OF Carlos Quentin are the truth. Ramirez was the 2008 runner-up for the Rookie of the Year posting 22 HRs, 77 RBI, and 13 SB-look for those numbers to rise this year. An aging Buerhle will give you his usual 12-14 wins, but SP John Danks and Gavin Floyd will look to build off their strong '08 season. Potential wins: 88-90

3. Detroit Tigers- An injury-proned team that underachieved greatly in 2008. On paper, this team makes stat heads salivate, but count on injuries from one of the following: Justin Verlander, Jeremy Bonderman, Gary Sheffield, Placido Polanco, Carlos Guillen. Potential wins: 78-83

4. Cleveland Indians- This team will go as far as DH Travis Hafner will take them. In 2005 and 2006, when he placed in the top 8 in the MVP voting, the Indians were a sexy pick to come out of the AL. Without him? A middle of the pack team. He must prove himself as a premier middle-of-the-lineup threat. Potential wins: 73-87

5. Kansas City- Young. Very, very young. I love what they're trying to do (i.e. DH Billy Butler, 3b/1b Alex Gordon, 1b Ryan Shealy). Their starting pitching has potential(Gil Meche, Zach Greinke, Brian Bannister, Kyle Davies, Luke Hochevar), but they will undoubtedly take their bumps. Think Detriot Tigers pitching staff circa 2003-05. Potenial wins: 60-64

AL West:
1. Los Angeles Angels- Unequivocally the class of the AL West. The losses of 1b Texiera and CL Francisco Rodriguez will hurt, but they have filled those holes (OF Bobby Abreu, and CL Brian Fuentes). Keep your ears open for a troubled clubhouse, however, with former starting OF Gary Matthews Jr. riding the pine. They will go far with one of the best rotations in the league. Potential wins: 89-93

2. Oakland Athletics- Made huge off-season moves by getting OF Matt Holliday, and INFs Jason Giambi, Orlando Cabrera, and Nomar Garciaparra. This team has a good mix of youth and veterans. However, with ace Justin Duchscherer hampered by arm problems, look for GM Billy Beane to make moves for pitching before the trade deadline. Fearless Prediction of the Year: Matt Holliday will not finish the year in an A's uniform. Potential wins: 82-85

3. Texas Rangers- Their offense will keep them afloat in the AL West race, but their pitching will sink them. And will the real Hank Blalock please stand up? Potential wins: 77-79

4. Seattle Mariners- Isn't Ken Griffey back on this team? I wonder how OF Ichiro Suzuki will handle not being the fan favorite anymore? This team is abysmal. Potential wins: 60-65
(*-denotes Wild Card team)

MVP: Evan Longoria, Rays
Cy Young: Jon Lester, Red Sox
Rookie of the Year: David Price, Rays
Manager of the Year: Ron Gardenhire, Twins

Playoff Picture:
Red Sox over Angels
Rays over Twins
Red Sox over Rays

Tune in later this week as I give my predictions for the National League!

Finding Rings on the NFL Coaching Carousel

It is of the general understanding that, as a head coach, the more rings you have on your finger the more sought after you are. Right? It used to be that teams would give up an arm and a leg for a reputable coach with some Super Bowl experience. Hell, it's the reason the name Bill Parcells is always within earshot of the NFL.

As of recent however, NFL teams have followed the trend of rich middle-aged MILFs; cutting ties with their older, more experienced coaches for a younger, energetic go-getter that may or may not have held the previous job as a pool boy. My thoughts: put down the playbook and pick up that Desperate Housewives box set!

Entering the 2009 season, there will be only three active head coaches who have Super Bowl Rings (Bill Belichick of New England, Mike Tomlin of Pittsburgh, and Tom Coughlin of the New York Giants). And closing out the 2008 season there were nine head coaching vacancies. Of the coaches who left, there were John Gruden (one Super Bowl ring), Mike Shannahan (two Super Bowl rings), and Tony Dungy (one ring). To top it off, there are also Brian Billick and Bill Cowher (one ring each) on the market from the past couple of years. With Cowher playing the seductive lead role of Eva Longoria-Parker (kinky!), as his name has been at the top of many teams off-season wishlists.

Why are teams changing their mentality from gaining coaches who know what it takes to win at the highest level? The young guns have proven themselves. The kid--err man who replaced Cowher in Pittsburgh is having his finger sized for his Super Bowl ring at the ripe age of 36. Jim Harbaugh, 45, brought his Ravens team to the playoffs, with a rookie quarterback no less. This after Billick suffered four up-and-down years with the team before getting the ax.

One of the most notable coaches to do well despite experience is the Miami Dolphins Tony Sparano, 47. After Cam Cameron was run out of town like the Plague, Sparano had a very high mountain to climb; Parcells or no Parcells. He certainly climbed high up that mountain as the Dolphins posted a most-impressive 11-5 record on their way to an AFC East title.

In this day and age, NFL teams don't put as much emphasis on the guys who are simply good with x's and o's (sorry Eric Mangini). They want a guy who is going to spark a team and light a fire under their asses; someone who can relate to the players. And have you noticed that these new head coaches are all a good face for the public relations people? Again, sorry Mangini.

And how else better to relate to the young talent the NFL brings in than a 32-year-old baby-faced offensive coordinator with a knack for creating explosive offenses. The baby-faced offensive coordinator is Denver Broncos new head coach, Josh McDaniels. Yes, he may have gotten carded to see the newest Saw sequel, but the kid can flat out coach. I mean, did you see that offense he ran in New England?! You've heard it first, here: Josh McDaniels will have the Denver Broncos in the playoffs--with or without Jay "I Never Saw A Receiver Who Wasn't Open" Cutler.

Another coach primed for an excellent season, as much as it pains me to say it, is Rex Ryan of the New York Jets. The Jets were playoff bound before Brett Farve choked...again, and Ryan has brought over some of his guys from the Ravens squad as well as CB Lito Sheppard to sit opposite of stud corner, Darrelle Revis.

All in all, of the nine new head coaches in 2009 seven are 46 years of age of younger. This seems like an inevitable turn of events for the league like the overall acceptance of the tandem running back in the past few years.

The Boldest Predictions You've Seen

What a second half we have to look forward to! Will Shaquille O'Neal, Kobe Bryant, and Phil Jackson rekindle their threesome in L.A.? What's happening with Phoenix? Who will be the beast of the East? How will the West be won? Who's going to get the MVP? Will Dikembe Mutumbo ever retire?

I have answers for all these questions and then some. This is my First Annual Post All-Star Bold Predictions for the 2009 NBA Season. Ok, so it's a working title.

Let's start with the debacle that's occuring in Phoenix. What a marketing nightmare for their publicist. Admist the All-Star festivities- in Phoenix mind you-there is a report that the Sun's are going to fire first-year coach Terry Porter. In his 52 games at the helm, Porter had his team at a 29-23. The problem isn't Porter, it's the team. They need to keep Amar'e Stoudemire. He is an absolute beast and has become the best player on this team with his 21-point, 8-rebound a night efforts. Keep that man-child happy. Steve Kerr has ruined this team with the addition of Shaquille O'Neal. He single-handedly ruined the most exciting team in the league. Shaq kills the mood of that team like this stimulus bill is killing the mood of Obama's honeymoon. They need to trade him...

...which brings me to the Los Angeles Lakers. Okay L.A., you officially have the attention of the Champion Celtics. The Lakers have played exceptionally well since the loss of their budding center, Andrew Bynum. Their 7-1 stretch-that featured wins at Boston and Cleveland-will not continuel, however if they can't find a long-term replacement for Bynum. Man, didn't Shaq and Kobe look real good sharing that All-Star MVP trophy? And, hey, wasn't that Phil Jackson on the bench of the Western Conference team? And I could have sworn the that the West blew out the East in that game. It couldn't be possible to see these three men get in bed together for one last shot at glory, could it? The starts seem alligned for it. Shaq knows that Kobe was the perfect Boy Wonder to his Superman persona. Kobe hasn't won a title since Shaq ran to South Beach. And Phil Jackson is still coaching for one reason and one reason only: to break the tie with Red Auerbach for the most NBA championships. With or without Shaq there's little doubt that they will be the top seed in the Western Conference. San Antonio will be a problem in the playoffs but, the Lakers will rule the regular season.

Now the most biased portion of this blog: The Boston Celtics are winning the Eastern Conference. However, I say that with very little conviction. The Cleveland Lebrons scare the you-know-what out of me. James is doing things this year that haven't been done since Oscar Robertson. He is without question the best player in the league. (Aha! A hint!). Having said that, the Celtics are just too good of a team. The Big Three aside, Rajon Rondo is coming into his own nicely (did you see Rondo take a shot at Kobe?! The kid's got brass ones, I'll tell ya.) Kendrick Perkins is slowly becoming a force in the paint. We need another big man though. I don't know how much longer I have to see Glen Davis shoot these 18-foot jumpers. It looks like he's doing the masonry for Xanadu.

Dwight Howard and the Orlando Magic can be a scary team, but the loss of All-Star guard Jameer Nelson kills the legitmacy of their championship aspirations.

It's a close fight for the MVP battle between Kobe, LeBron, and Dwayne Wade. But the conversation starts and ends with LeBron James. He dominates the game. Every minute. Every play the dude is there. He's threatening Vince Carter's record for highlight plays a night. Kobe has way too many great options on that team. And if Dwayne Wade had some older options on his team, he might actually have a chance against LeBron. This is just going to be the first of many for the Chosen One.

Defensive Player of the Year: C'mon is it even a question? Kevin Garnett. No one has a bigger impact on a team defensively than the Big Ticket.

Coach of the Year: Greg Popovich, San Antoino Spurs. He continues to get the most out of his team every night. And this Spurs team is an aging one. Thank God for Roger Mason Jr. And Pop's defensive genius.

Rookie of the Year: O.J. Mayo, G, Memphis Grizzlies. The kid has proven he can score at the pro level. His 19 points, 5 boards, and 3 assists stands out just slightly over the number one pick's, Derrick Rose, 17 points and 6 assists.

Sixth Man of the Year: Richard Hamilton, G, Detroit Pistons. I'm sorry Rip, but this award could be worse than Chad Pennington winning the Comeback Player of the Year Award twice. He should be a starter. The Pistons are his team. A back-handed compliment, but he still deserves the recognition.

The Biggest Team Cancer: Allen Iverson, G, Detroit Pistons. Pre-Allen Iverson Detroit Pistons: 334-158, 1 NBA title, and six straight appreances to the conference finals. The Allen Iverson Era: 23-25, good for the sixth seed in the top heavy East. Hhhmm.

Most Overrated Fantasy Player: Tracy McGrady, G, Houston Rockets. He's the hot girl who you can never have. He looks so good on the court, but the moment you get him- he craps out. This current knee injury is making me pull my hair out that traded LaMarcus Aldridge for him.

Most Underrated Fantasy Player: Troy Murphy, F, Indiana Pacers. Doesn't get much love because of the market and the sudden star Danny Granger. But his 13 points and 11 rebounds has been as steady as taxes for me. He makes me forget about not having Aldridge, if for only a moment.

Will Dikembe Mutumbo Ever Retire? I don't think anyone knows at this point. Just when we think we got the door locked, he kicks the door back down!

As for my final bold prediction of such a momentous entry, the winner of the whole shebang. You're probably all thinking that I was just going to pick the Celtics over the Lakers like every one else who's a C's fan. Well...quite frankly I'm offended.

It's going to be the Celtics over the Spurs! HA!

Phish-Bowling With Phelps

As it turns out, life can get higher for Olympic aqua-boy Michael Phelps. Phelps, 23, recently had a Kodak moment that would make Cheech and Chong choke on their joints. A photo of him released earlier this week shows the Olympian ripping bong hits while visiting the University of South Carolina.

Okay America, let's all take a big, collective breath. The Golden Boy is not selling himself for a crack-cocaine rock on the streets of Harlem. He never 'misremembered' taking steroids from Brian McNamee. No. He simply smoked marijuana. Hell, our last two leaders of the free world admitted to dabbling with the hippie lettuce. What's the problem with a college-aged young adult indulging in some vices?

Yes, Michael Phelps is a role model for kids. Yes, he is under the strict microscope of being America's poster boy. Should he be reprimanded for actions? In my humble opinion, no. But I understand that actions must have consequences. And since the photo was released to the public, USA swimming has suspended Phelps for three months. On top of that, the Kellog Company released a statement saying they will not be renewing their contract with Phelps.

And if all that wasn't enough, the state of South Carolina are investigating if they can bring him up on charges. Well, I guess everyone needs their fifteen minutes in the lime light.

The International Olympic Committee said while marijuana is not a "performance-enhancing" drug, they are still investigating how to approach the situation. Are you kidding me? Not a performance-enhancing drug? If it were to reach the public that Phelps hit the water-pipe before the water and still blew everyone out of the pool, I think the I.O.C. would have to give him the gold and silver medals.

The only aspect of performance-enhancing marijuana would aid would be helping stomach Phelps' rigorous 12,000 calorie-a-day diet. But he's not munching on Doritos or Cheetohs for two-and-a-half hours while watching Half-Baked.

For Breakfast, Phelps begins with three fried-egg sandwiches loaded with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions and mayonnaise. Two cups of coffee. One five-egg omelet. One bowl of grits. Three slices of French toast topped with powdered sugar. Three chocolate-chip pancakes.

For Lunch he has one pound of enriched pasta, two large ham and cheese sandwiches with mayo on white bread and energy drinks packing 1,000 calories.

Finally for dinner he cools down with another pound of pasta, one entire pizza and guzzles down more energy drinks.

Despite the bad publicity and all the shots taken on late-night talk shows, Phelps' image will only be tarnished for the time being. If anything, this could be a blessing for the kid. He has been in such high demand since his record-setting performance in Beijing, it seems as if he hasn't had time to breath, or perhaps exhale. Phelps could use this time to relax and step out of the lime light until the 2012 Olympics in London. Hopefully for him, this smoke will have blown over by then.