Want to get laid on Valentine's Day? Don't wear these

Reuters.com- Hundreds of British men are risking a Valentine's Day anticlimax for their partners by stocking up on anatomy-boosting underpants ahead of the most romantic weekend of the year.

British department store group Debenhams said Thursday it had seen a 76 percent surge in online sales of the 18 pounds-a-pair ($28) underwear in the past week.

The pants work by using a lift and hold feature at the front, like a male version of the cleavage-boosting Wonderbra.

"The briefs mean that no man ever needs to feel inadequate again on the most passionate day of the social calendar," said Rob Faucherand, head of men's accessories buying at Debenhams.

"However we can't be held responsible for what happens once the pants come off," he added.

Simply put, this un-fucking-believable. I've heard of guys stuffing their pants with bananas--or other phallic objects--but WonderBriefs? You have got to be kidding me! Men have just hit an all-time low. Look, girls think we're dumb liars as it is, why further the argument with this dumb fucking idea. Of course, leave it to England.

Let me say that I have been on record that I hate padded bras. Since I've known what boobs are, I've hated padded bras. Ask my ex-girlfriends, they'll vouch for me. They'll tell you that I think it's false advertising, or maybe fraud. Or whatever legal term you think fits. It's not fair. If I meet a chick at a bar with big knockers, take her back home, and find them two sizes smaller I'm pissed. I mean let's be serious, I'm doing what I came to do, but don't think for a second that I won't be hate-fucking her. HA!

Maybe now that these "WonderBriefs" are catching on, you ladies will know how it feels to be duped by the padded privates. You take home a guy with a huge bulge in his and pants only to find out he's the size of a safety pin. Tough luck, girl.

Word to the wise, if you have any hopes of gettin' ass on Valentine's Day, do not--I repeat--do not wear these pants or whatever the hell they are. Have some more self respect than that. Especially older men. I don't think there's anything worse than to go on a date with a girl wearing the WonderBriefs and a toupee. Now that's the ultimate example of fraud!