It will clean my what?

Now we’re all used to seeing all Axe's corny commercials on tv dealing with their hair gel body wash and all that. I'm not going to lie and I know the rest of you guys out there can't either, at one point or another you have definitely owned an Axe product. We all get lazy before class and don’t want to shower some mornings, no problem, Axe shower and your good to go.

This ad however brings things to a whole new level. Clearly we aren’t going to be seeing this one on TV anytime soon but it almost borders awkward. The part where the brunette plays with the golf balls for about 30 seconds just starts to get a little bit weird. It is definitely clever and pretty hilarious but it is definitely a strange idea for the company to have gone through with.

If I’m not mistaken, that’s like 100 percent Jamie Presley from my name is earl correct? I know the video isn’t the best quality but that’s definitely her. They must have had to pay an assload to get her to do this commercial and it will probably never hit the air. None the less, I’m on my way to the store now to pick one of these suckers up, I haven't showered in days.

Pork: The Other Sexual Stimulant

Reuters.com- Argentina's president recommended pork as an alternative to Viagra on Wednesday, saying she spent a satisfying weekend with her husband after eating barbecued pork.

"I've just been told something I didn't know; that eating pork improves your sex life ... I'd say it's a lot nicer to eat a bit of grilled pork than take Viagra," President Cristina Fernandez said to leaders of the pig farming industry.

She said she recently ate pork and "things went very well that weekend, so it could well be true."

Argentines are the world's biggest per capita consumers of beef, but the government has sought to promote pork as an alternative in recent years due to rising steak prices and as a way to diversify the meat industry.

"Trying it doesn't cost anything, so let's give it a go," Fernandez said in the televised speech.

Chocolate-covered strawberries. Shellfish. Any phallic-shaped fruit/vegetable. Pork. I mean I've heard about girls eating meat during sex, but before? That's down-right sexy right there. And when you get a hot-ass chick like the Argentinian president, it's gotta be true. Right? Hell, even if it's not true I'm going to try it out...maybe tonight, who knows.

It's about time pork gets some love. When the catch phrase for pork is "the other white meat", you need a new marketing plan. I don't know maybe "Pork: It's what's for dinner before sex". Or what about "Trying to pork? Try pork." See the possibilities are endless. And if it is true that pork helps one's sex life, then men never have to worry about have a throbbing boner for the next 8 hours. It just gets in the way at that point.

So with Valentine's Day coming up around the corner remember, it'll be the perfect time to get your pork on. Get your lover some flowers, spread some candles throughout the house, get some chocolate, some of those phallic fruits, and a nice slab of pork chops. And once your body is filled with delicious pork and the grease and glistening over your body, it'll be the perfect lubricant to get things going.

Anyone need a date for Valentine's Day?

Guess This Wife...

Can you guess which former Yankee hero gets his balls busted late into the night by this Playboy Playmate?

Why America is the preeminent drinking country

Yahoo!.com- Tough new rules for pubs and clubs -- including a ban on drinking games like the infamous "dentist's chair" -- will be introduced in Britain this year in a bid to curb a heavy drinking culture that costs the country billions of a pounds a year. Other promotions like "all you can drink for 10 pounds ($16)," speed drinking competitions and "women drink free" nights will also be prohibited.

But, controversially, bulk offers of cheap alcohol in supermarkets -- widely regarded as one of the main sources of Britain's problems with under-age and excessive drinking -- will not be affected. Home Secretary Alan Johnson said he did not want to target responsible drinkers on low incomes, but that the government and the industry had a duty to act on booze-fueled promotions.

"These practices have a real impact on society, not to mention the lives of those who just want to enjoy a good night out," he said.

The dentist's chair, where drinks are poured directly into the mouth by others, was made famous by the celebrations of footballer Paul Gascoigne at Euro '96. It will be banned from April and publicans will have to ensure free tap water is made available to revelers.

First of all, let me start by saying that I will be playing the dentist's chair tonight! Great name for a great game. Having said that, the Brits are showing why they have one of the lowest birth rates in the world: they are a master of pulling out! First they pull out of the Revolutionary War and now this?

What would the good Queen think of all this Tom Foolery? Granted, Britian may have been ahead of the curve with their games, but why get rid of them? These are the games American bars are looking for to draw in business. Let's face it, there's only some many beer pong tourneys a place can hold.

I mean, "women drink free" nights? Are you kidding me? And I thought I was on a cold streak with the ladies. Turns out I just had to go to one of these British bars to bag a chick. But on a serious note, I would put a stop to the bulk offers of alcohol by the retailers before hitting up the bars. But the country's probably making more money from the retailers than the bars, especially if they do all you can drink for 10 pounds.

I would never see an all you can drink bar for $16 bucks. Then again I don't think the government would put any further restrictions on drinking, either. This is why America is just so much better than Britian. I mean, they wouldn't get rid of beer pong. That's like taking baseball away from us. And flip cup? That's like taking away football! These games are just apart of our culture as the Constitution.

Think about it, when a foreigner comes over to the States what do you usually show him? A baseball game? And when a foreigner comes over to the States and wants to get drunk what do you usually teach him? That's right, beer pong. I mean, it's as American as apple pie. Would McDonald's take away their 2-for-$1 apple pies? Fuck no.

That's why America is the place to get your drunk on. America: Land of the Free, Home of the Drunk.

Glen Davis: "I'm no big baby"

Yahoo!Sports.com- After getting fined for the second time this season — the latest for cursing out a heckling fan — Celtics forward Glen "Big Baby" Davis admits it's time to grow up. His plan: Retire the sippy cup, graduate to a "big boy bed," and drop the immature nickname.

"I've been called 'Big Baby' all through my life," Davis said Monday. "But I'm going through changes. I'm in a cocoon and I'm coming out a different player, a different person. Basically, the new person is growth. I'm shedding that 'Big Baby' and you can see something else, not the past."

Davis requested that fans should give him new nickname suggestions via his Twitter page (@GlenDavisNBA). But when The Boston Metro's Jeff Howe suggested "Uno Uno" — Spanish for Davis' No. 11 jersey and in the spirit of Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochicinco — the 24-year-old erupted in delight.

It's about fucking time Glen. You were a pivotal part of the playoffs the last two years and you have showed us nothing but temper tantrums since. Get your act together. I'm glad it's starting with the nickname. It's a good nickname but sometimes you have got to start fresh. Isn't that right Mike Vick and Pacman Jones?

But "Uno Uno?" C'mon, Glen that's not even clever. Leave the Spanish numbers to Ochocinco or Jonathan Papelbon. If you had a great nickname like Big Baby before, you can't downgrade to a shittier name. Honestly, I'd wipe my ass with the nickname Uno Uno. Whoever thought that up deserves to get a swirly--ol' skool style.

Of course, he wouldn't have to change his nickname if he wasn't such a dumbass. Glen Davis is one of the rare cases, where he actually is dumber than he looks--which takes some effort. Maybe if he wasn't breaking his hand due to fights and telling fans to suck his dick, he wouldn't be in this cocoon. In honor of the the Big Baby's maturation, here are some of my favorite Big Baby moments.

The Improp tackles the Pro Bowl debacle

Did you hear the latest news? These guys are replacing the starting offensive linemen for the AFC roster. Okay maybe not, but name me a guy who wouldn't want to see these Pop Warner pukes get pounded by Pat and Kevin Williams? Now that's must-see TV. But this Pro Bowl? Not so much.

Every year some of the biggest names in the game withdraw from the event, but this year has to be an all-time high. And I blame it on Roger Goodell. I'll be the first guy to tell you how good of a job Goodell has done as a commissioner. But he has got this Pro Bowl thing all wrong. Moving it to before the Super Bowl is a horrible idea, obviously, because it doesn't give the players enough time to rest from the rigors of the NFL regular and postseason. Remove the plush backdrop of Hawaii and it's no wonder no one wants to go.

Listen, as a fan, I hate the Pro Bowl. It's a meaningless game. The players know it. The fans know it. I understand the point of the game is to put together an All-NFL team to see what the best players can do together. However when the two of your three starters at QB are David Garrard and Vince Young, I'd argue the game is hardly fielding the best players. In total, 27 players who were voted in were replaced either due to injury or the Super Bowl.

Personally, I think they should just scrap the game all together. Players don't want to risk the injury, and they have to be physically and emotionally drained from the season. And while many may think that the fans deserve to see the best players compete together, I'd argue they already do. Undoubtedly football is the most team-oriented game, compiling all-star players from across the league together for a week is not necessarily making the best team. The team that plays the best together is the best team. I feel like the purpose behind the Pro Bowl is a little redundant. I mean, don't we already have the Super Bowl to see who is the best team?

But we at the Improper Sportsonian are solution-oriented. We don't just call out with what's wrong and expect other people do to all the dirty work. That's why we have come up with the idea to get rid of the game. Release the players who make the Pro Bowl roster, and still allow for the player's to receive the recognition and incentives of being the best amongst the peers, but just don't play the game. It's a waste of time and money for everyone. We all know what these players can do, why give them the chance to ruin our perfect image of Peyton Manning hitting Larry Fitzgerald in stride down the sideline? It'll be similar how MLB releases their Silver Slugger or Gold Glove awards.

Football may be the best sporting spectacle, however they have the worse All-Star game. If for nothing other than the fact that most of the league is filled with players who are more than capable to be an all-star. Get rid of the game, Goodell. It'll give you more time to focus on how to get the Patriots back to the Super Bowl.

The Blackest White Kid You Know presents: Mash-up Radio

As the Blackest White Kid You Know there a few responsibilities I hold myself too: 1. staying G'd up from the feet up 2. slang rocks on the streets 3. keep my pimp hand strong 4. smoke Newports 5. bridge the gap from the street life to the suburban streets and vice versa.

I take that last one very seriously. Music is a big part of my life, and I'm sure that can be said for many others black or white. So when something comes along combing the relaxing melodies of white American music mixed with the hard street lyrics of rap, I have to let the people know.

Obviously DJ Moondance feels the same way as the Kid because he mashed-up two of the greatest artists with Dave Matthews Band and Jay-Z. I literally went got hard when I first heard the Crash Album. It's got some smoothed-out blended beats with Jay-Z's lyrics from some past and present songs. Jay-Z's lyrics seem to flow with whatever beat it's put to, whether it be Led Zeppelin, the Beatles or DMB. You can't say that about everybody. The guy is just flat-out talented. Don't believe me? Check the links above to find out for yourself.

Being the Blackest White Kid You Know, I'm a big fan of mash-up music. Here a few other artist mash-ups I like. Biggie & Frank Sinatra: Bed Stuy Meets Blue Eyes. Nas & Al Green: Almatic. This is the type of shit you kick back and smoke a fast ass j to. Enjoy folks.

Jets fans with their heads up their asses

Remember, remember the 24th of January. Okay, so maybe it doesn't have that certain ring to it. But rest assured, yesterday was certainly a memorable day. Brett Favre was--yet again--the reason his loaded team collapsed in the NFC Championship game, while the Jets did what the Jets do best, choke. Finally! A playoff weekend that I could fully enjoy!

Trust me, I didn't see it starting out this way. I mean, if you were to tell me that three of the final four NFL teams featured my nemesis Brett Favre, the lowly Jets and the rival Colts you might find me at the highest point at Hofstra ready to jump. But nay. Instead of taking the suicidal approach I persevered and came to a revelation--something that I have been toying with since the infamous "4&2" game.

As much as it may pain to say this, I am a Peyton Manning fan. I certainly hope Tom Brady doesn't read the Improp, for the sake of our bromance. But it's hard to not be a fan of his. The guy is a fucking machine. He never looks rattled. He rarely looks over-matched. Even when his team is down and it seems hopeless for them, Manning just imposes his will and grinds out games. If you're a true football fan, how can you deny Manning the respect he undoubtedly deserves?

So in an AFC Championship that featured the despicable Jets and the Patriots' counter-part, the Colts, who could I possibly root for? You're god-damn right I hopped on that Colts' band-wagon. And I have to admit, it reminded me of watching the Patriots in their heyday. I gotta tip my cap to the Colts' fans of the world, you certainly have a well-oiled football team.

But as for that other team, I realize why I loathe the Jets--much like why I hate most New York teams; their ignorant fans. Which is unfortunate because the Jets actually have some talent on that team. It's funny how a few fuckfaces can turn you off completely from something. Point in case with a situation that happened to me yesterday at work. This story just furthers my theory that I should have my own reality show. I swear I don't know stuff like this happens to me. But here we go:

As some of you may already I know, I work at Dave & Buster's in Long Island. And this place might as well hold sex brothels for Jets fans because so many of them come out for the games. Like usual, I had my Tom Brady jersey on for the games--the only jersey I own thank-you very much. I usually get a few jabs here and there, mostly harmless, but yesterday was different. There was a group of early 20-something guidos at the bar who were fist-pumping from the moment they walked in. No joke. I mean some of these guys' blowouts would have made DJ Pauly D blush.

Needless to say, these guys didn't like the fact that I had on a Patriots jersey on. And they start yelling shit to me from across the bar like, "The Patriots fucking suck," "Tom Brady sucks," and other sorts of slander. Obviously, this guy had his head shoved so far up his own ass that he failed to see greatness when it's right in front of him. A team that hasn't had a losing season in 9-10 years and a player who has missed the playoffs only once in his career must suck. Now I would have loved to have said something back, but who was I to say something at the time? I was working and he was there to have a good time. I figured I would exact my revenge when the Jets blew it.

That didn't happen right away as the Jets looked sharp. And those same group of guys made sure to seek me out, make direct eye contact, flip up their middle fingers and yell "Fuck the Patriots! J-E-T-S! JETS! JETS! JETS!" Once again, what am I going to do? So I flash a smile, shake my head in disbelief and continue to work. These childish antics would go on for much of the first half. But as the Colts started come back, everyone got very quiet.

Then at halftime, one of the guys from that group came up to me and said "I really love that jersey," in a sincere tone. Well as sincere as a drunk New Yorker can be I suppose. Now usually I try to keep my distance from New York Giants fans, like this guy was, but we connected over our hatred of the Jets. And he said to me, "My friends really hate the fake that I'm talking to you and that you're a Pats fan. When the Jets lose come over and give my friends a hard time." I loved hearing this. I mean, I had planned on saying something, but this just gave me a free opening. I couldn't miss out on an opportunity to throw some jabs back at some guido d-bags.

And right on cue, the Jets collapse. What a shocker. So the two-minute warning hits and I catch the Giants fan eyeing to come over. With a big smirk on my face, I walk up to the mob of depressing Jets fans and they all move out of my way like the parting of the Red Sea; all shying away from the bright glow of that Tom Brady jersey. I walk up to the group of guys, shrug my shoulders, open up my palms and calmly asked "What happened?" I would have liked to have said more, but this guy flipped out. The Giants fan who told me to go over there had to separate us, because that guy wanted to rip my head off. He pushed me back, and I obviously couldn't retaliate because I was on the clock. Plus, do I really want to be that guy who gets in a fight over a sports game? I'd like to think I have a little more class than that. The whole restaurant kind of stopped for a moment to see what happened before the bouncers kicked him out. Everyone knew I was involved. The good and the bad part of wearing that Tom Brady jersey is that I stick out like a sore thumb.

But it then it dawned on me. This guy, who had no problem dishing out a verbal beating to a rival fan and actually took pleasure out of it, couldn't handle when he got a small dose of his own medicine. While these type of people are not only limited to New York fans or Jets fans, I have found through my experiences that it is mostly New York fans. And it reflects the general attitude of the area: pig-headed, and self-absorbed. In slang terms I guess you could say New Yorkers have their heads up their asses.

Poor Little Ginger Boy

HAHA! My friend showed this to me last night. Funny stuff. The kid's upset about being called a fat ginger? But that's exactly what he is. How else can you describe him. This guy may be a Christian, but he most certainly doesn't have a soul. It's just science.

HOFer Fisk's fightin' words to Big Mac, Rocket

(Quotes excerpted from an interview with the Chicago Tribune)- "[McGwire] says, 'Well, it doesn't help eye-and-hand coordination.' Well, of course it does," Fisk told the Tribune for Wednesday's editions. "It allows you more acuity physically and mentally and optically. You are going to be stronger and you are going to be better."

"There's a reason they call it performance-enhancing drugs. That's what it does -- performance enhancement. You can be good, but it's going to make you better. You can be average, but it is going to make you good. If you are below average, it is going to make you average. Some guys who went that route got their five-year, $35 million contracts and now are off into the sunset somewhere. Because once they can't use [steroids] anymore, they can't play anymore."

"Try having your knees operated on and catching for 30 years," Fisk added. "Do you think you feel good when you go out there? [McGwire] had to stand around and play first base. So excuuuuuse me."

"The reason he got let go from the Red Sox [after the 1996 season] was because he was starting to break down," Fisk told the Tribune. "His last couple of years in Boston just weren't very productive, a la 'The Rocket.' Then all of a sudden he goes to Toronto and he wants to show somebody something. Then he gets two consecutive Cy Young Awards [in '97 and '98]. Come on, give me a bucket."

"It's obvious to players. You notice that stuff. You know how hard it is to play the game. You know how hard it is to be productive at any age, but especially at an older age. You see guys who are as productive later on as they were early [in their careers]. It offends guys that stayed clean."

This is why I love Carlton Fisk. The guy is a straight G. He shoots from the hip and doesn't give a shit what people think. I got a lot of respect for that. Plus, the guy makes a lot of points. Steroids may not help your hand-eye coordination, but it most certainly makes an average major leaguer, above average (Mark McGwire) and a great major leaguer one of the best ever (Clemens). And those back-to-back Cy Youngs in Toronto did seem a little suspicious.

You gotta love when a fiery guy speaks his mind about the cheaters in the league. Too often we hear what the sports columnists and pundits think about the situation, but rarely do we hear from the athletes themselves. At least not candidly.

The Improp wants to party with this chick

AssociatedPress.com- STURGIS, S.D. – A South Dakota woman who prosecutors say had a blood-alcohol level almost nine times the legal driving limit has pleaded guilty to two drunken driving charges. Authorities said 45-year-old Marguerite Engle was arrested Dec. 1 when she was found passed out behind the wheel of a stolen delivery van along Interstate 90, with a blood alcohol level at 0.708. The legal limit in South Dakota is 0.08. Officials have said Engle's blood alcohol level likely is a record for the state.

She was arrested again in late December, with a blood alcohol level more than 3 1/2 times the legal limit.

Engle faces up to two years in jail when she is sentenced on Feb. 23. In exchange for her guilty pleas, prosecutors have agreed not to pursue other charges, including receiving stolen property and drug possession.

Finally! A girl who can hang! I'll tell ya, I'm sick of partying with girls who drink two Long Island Iced Teas, smoke a pack of Parliament Lights, sit in a corner and call it a night. Bring on Marguerite Engle! She seems like a bundle of fun. Not only can Marge hold her liquor like a seasoned sailor, but she is getting work done while doing it.

Okay, maybe that delivery van was stolen, but her booze-soaked heart was in the right place. I don't care what anyone says. This chick is hardcore. I need to find me one of those South Dakota girls. You know, the kind that'll milk the cow with one hand and pound a bottle of whiskey with the other.

TigerGate opens its doors to...Sex Rehab?

It just never ends with Tiger Woods huh? I just don't buy it. Tiger Woods, a fully-functioning male, has entered a sex rehabilitation clinic? He doesn't have a problem with having too much sex, he's just your average male. I'm serious. I don't buy all this sex rehab bullshit. I have a central theory surrounding why Tiger is looked at as such a fuck-up now.

And it's because he got married. There I said it. Let's think about it for a minute. Tiger Woods has been a global superstar since his young 20's. He's literally had the world at his finger tips since he could legally drink beer. You mix money, celebrity, and youth with an athlete and undoubtedly girls will flock to you like the salmon of Capistrano. I mean, we'd only be kidding ourselves if we think Tiger didn't have a slew of girls lining up to spend the night with him.

So what's changed? It's his marriage. Think about it. Does anyone care how many girls Derek Jeter sleeps with? As long as he's not married, guys envy him and girls want him. And before Tom Brady was married, the same rules applied. It's a part of our culture for a guy to bag a lot of girls, it's just not a part of married culture. Have you ever been talking to a guy who's telling you about all the girls he's messing around with and you think, "This guy's the man"? Then his wife/girlfriend walks up and suddenly you don't feel comfortable in your own skin. Cheating makes people queasy in America It's the same situation. In fact, Tiger's bedroom prowess wouldn't even be news in the National Inquirer if he wasn't married.

Which brings me to my next point, THE GUY IS NOT A SEX ADDICT. This is where I have a problem with women. Because if a guy doesn't want to have sex, it's a problem and he has to see a doctor or therapist. And if were having too much sex, women tell us we have a problem and we need to see a doctor or therapist. Truthfully, it's not a problem at all. Married women find it a problem that men are having so much sex, just none of it with them.

It's ingrained into our programming, as men, to have sex with just about anything that moves. It's not because we're pigs, just flawed. And for a male who is an exceptional athlete, the rules apply 10-fold. An athletic male gets more ass than anyone else. It's true. Ask any professional athlete and they will tell you they have as many girls as the league has teams. They have a girl for every city. During the Olympics, the IOC hands out condoms to all their athletes as they enter the Olympic Village. As they should. You put that many good-looking athletes in a confined area, all with about 6% combined body fat, and it's bound to be a sex brothel. Now does that mean they are all sex addicts? No, it's just the nature of the beast.

Tiger Woods has been a product of publicity stunts since he came into the sports world. Remember his first press conference as a 18-year-old boy when his first words to the press were, "Hello world."? It seemed to refreshing to be true. And it was. Sure enough a few weeks later, Nike came out Tiger's first commercial entitled "Hello world". Hhmmm. Fifteen years later, Tiger is still being told how to present himself.

This sex rehab shit is the same thing. He didn't check in because he thought that he had a problem. He checked in because his people thought the public needed him to do something about all the negativity that was around him. It's the same as when Lindsey Lohan checked into rehab for about two days every month or so--it would get the people off her back. Because let's be clear about something, we only know that Tiger is in rehab because he wants us to know that he's in rehab. As a journalist, a story gets broken because someone tells you to break it. That's it.

My only hope is that one day I can reach the point where my biggest problem in life is that I have too much sex. Here's some pics of the girls Tiger banged out.Theresa Rogers

Loredana JolieCori RistJaimee Grubbs

Jamie Jungers
Joslyn James

Rachel Uchitel

Layed out

Damn, Kurt Warner got absolutely layed out. If I was getting hit that hard at his age, I would seriously consider retiring as well. He has accomplished all there is when it comes to the NFL and his story is one of the best the league has ever seen. A good chance at the Hall of Fame but if he takes too many more hits like that, he might not be remembering his own career.

Guess this Wife Answer

The GTW answer from the other day is the Traitor himself, Lane Kiffin and his wife Layla. He might be a douche but damn is his wife smoking. I wonder what lies he had to tell her in order to land that. She can't think he stays faithful to her after seeing what he does on a daily basis can she?

He named his kid what?

http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=4839107

I don't know why the video isn't working but here the link to the video above

Now I've heard some pretty crazy sports fan stories in my days but this one takes it to a new level! I guess its not too bad cause his real first name is Jake but still no one is ever going to call him that, he is forever going to be known as Jet. This kids life is going to suck when he gets older, especially when he explains to people why he has 2 middle names. Umm, my Dad was insane and decided to name me after a professional sports franchise. I guess it's not as bad as what Lane Kiffin named his most recent son, Knox. That doesn't quite fit anymore.

How sweet it is

I'll start off by first pointing out my dominance this weekend. I went 3-1 and the only loss I could thoroughly care less about Tony Homo and the Cowgirls losing this weekend. That was almost the best part of the weekend, until the Jets played of course.

It really is a great time to be a New Yorker. The Yankees were world champions for a insurmountable 27th time in November. Although the Jets haven't won anything yet, they have made it way further than even most of their fans thought they could go. Their own coach was counting them out after an embarrassing loss to the Falcons in week 15. From that point on, they have been a different team, and a team on a mission. People can sit there and say whatever they want at this point about them backing into the playoffs, or that this week was the first real game they have had in the last month. They can take it all and shove it up their asses cause I'm sick of hearing about how the other teams lost the game. No wake up, the Jets are for real.

This evening, the Jets took on the team many people considered a heavy favorite to win the Superbowl this season. The Chargers came into this game with a mighty NFL best 11 game win streak, led by their high powered offense and one of the most underrated quarterbacks in the game Philip Rivers. The Jets didn't care about any of that. They are a team on their own war path and the Chargers weren't going to get in the way today.

Shonn Greene continued on his tear, and rushed 23 times for 128 yards and a huge 53 yard TD run in the 4th quarter that all but sealed the game for the Jets. The run was the longest TD run in Jets postseason history. The Jets Defense was as solid as it has been all season. During the chargers 11 game win streak they were just embarrassing teams with their arial attack. They were limited to only 14 points, and Philip Rivers was intercepted twice including a backbreaker for the chargers, when Darrelle Revis picked him off late in the third with San Diego threatening in Jets territory.



In the end, the key to this game, was the AFC probowl kicker Nate Kaeding of the Chargers. Someone needs to be with this guy at all time for the next couple days and definitely remove all sharp objects from his house. If there was someone who needs to be placed on a suicide watch list, Kaeding would be first in line. He entered the game with 20 consecutive FG's made, and also 69 straight under 40 yards. Both of those streaks came to an end on Sunday evening. Kaeding missed three FG's including a chip shot from 36 and also a 40 and 57 yard attempt. If even 1 of those 3 went in, the game would have been tied at the end of regulation, or even ending in a Chargers Victory.

















I'm not complaining. I wouldn't have had this weekend go any other way. Jets win, Cowboys lose and the Patriots are still eliminated from the playoffs.

I can bet you one thing, the Colts are kicking themselves in the ass for not playing for that perfect season. Remember way back in week 16 when they basically handed the game to the Jets and took out all the starters half way through? Yea well I can guarantee you that when they were doing that, they had to idea they would ever be having to go through those same Jets to make it to the Superbowl. And let me tell you this, it's not the same Jets team that the Colts saw in week 16. This team is on a mission and they won't be denied. Like everyone said, you should have played for that perfect season Indy, cause now your not even going to the Superbowl. J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets!!!!!

Guess this Wife

Guess what head coach definitely wraps it up with trojans when hes with his smoking hot wife in the bed.

Offerman is at it again

The Associated Press- SANTO DOMINGO, Dominican Republic — Jose Offerman, a former major-league All-Star, threw a punch at an umpire during an argument in a Dominican winter-league game Saturday night, the second time in 2 ½ years he has attacked someone on a baseball field.

Offerman, manager of the Licey Tigers, appeared to hit first-base umpire Daniel Rayburn in the face or neck with his fist during a heated discussion in a game against the Cibao Giants. Rayburn fell to the ground.

The 41-year-old Offerman, who spent part of the 2002 season with the Seattle Mariners, was taken to a police station to wait until the end of the game to see if Rayburn would press charges.

On Aug. 14, 2007, Offerman was batting for the Long Island Ducks against Bridgeport in an independent minor-league game when pitcher Matt Beech hit him with a fastball. Offerman charged the mound with his bat and swung at least twice, striking Beech and Bluefish catcher John Nathans.

In February 2009, Nathans sued Offerman in U.S. District Court in Bridgeport, Conn., seeking $4.8 million in damages. Nathans said the attack left him with permanent, career-ending injuries.



This guy is off his damn rocker. Like the article mentioned, we can all remember bak in 07 when Jose was arrested for his antics while playing for the LI Ducks. Now he's punching umpires in the face? this guy is crazy, how is he still involved with any type of organized baseball? This moron probably played for an organization like the Red Sox back in his day, oh wait... I couldn't find the video of him throwing the punch yet but whenever I do I'll be sure to put it up.

Pants on the ground!

All I want to know is how has Wes not found and featured this guy for the Blackest white kid you know. This guy is straight gold. Someone needs to get him a record deal or something. I can't believe they didn't put him through who cares hes 30+ years over the age limit.

Monta Ellis is a G

That shot was from down town for sure. Since when did this whole trick shot craze start throughout the NBA. Seems every night theres a trick shot on the top ten. These guys are spending more time practicing their trick shots then working on their actual game. That was a gangsta handshake he has with the guard or whoever the guy in the staff jacket was. Although this is a great shot, this video below has to be my favorite from Monta Ellis



72 is insane thats all I got to say about that.

The Improp does Divisional Weekend

Well, last week was as unpredictable as an episode of "I Survived..". And sadly to say we all missed out on the weekend. The Ravens shocked us all, while the Jets thoroughly impressed me. Green Bay royally fucked me, I could've ended the weekend 2-2. Unfortunately, Aaron Rodgers' short-lived soccer career didn't have my integrity in mind. I don't want to do this, but I think it's time we recap the weekend:

Wesley: 1-3, SB pick- San Diego over Green Bay
THE WRITER X: 2-2, SB pick- New York over New Orleans
THE EMPIRE: 1-3, SB pick- San Diego over New Orleans

I know, pretty pathetic. But this weekend I guarantee a rebound. In the words of Vince McMahon "I guaran-damn-tee it!" Let's take a look at this weekend's match-ups.


The high-powered Arizona Cardinals travel to New Orleans to face-off with the number one seed Saints. I think the Cardinals are an amazing playoff team. They have the ability to take their play to another level in January. However, the Saints just have too many weapons to combat the Cards. It'll be another offensive shootout in the Bayou. No fluke strip-sack will be able to help Arizona this time. The Saints top the Cardinals, 38-31.

THE EMPIRE: Saints over Cardinals, 48-33. The Saints offense is too good and i think they turn around their struggles to end the regular season. I can see this one being an absolute shootout however because the Saints Defense and secondary is pretty shaky at times. I think Warner is going to have another huge game and if Boldin is back for this game, there’s just another weapon the Saints have to worry about. In the end I think Drew Brees keeps things together and wins this offensive powered game.


The night game on Saturday has the Baltimore Jailbirds visiting the Indianapolis Colts. Let me shoot from the hip for a minute: the Colts will 100% regret not playing for perfection. This Ravens team is not one to reckon with. The 4-time MVP will put in his usual work, but will have a few turnovers against this opportunistic defense. As for the Colts' D, they won't be able to bring down the bruising Ravens run game, who do the brunt of their work after initial contact. Their rust will show. Ed Reed will do more than just kill Reggie Wayne's snakes. Ravens topple Colts, 27-14.

THE EMPIRE: Colts over Ravens, 21-16. They have the best quarterback in the game today in Peyton Manning. I think the Colts will come out of the gate somewhat slow due to the fact they have a lot of young guys on offense that have never played on such a big stage. Peyton will be the leader has proved to be and calm them down and take the Ravens down. I don't think the Ravens can match their performance from Sunday when they ended the Patriots season. Colts
limit New Rochelle's own Ray Rice to under 100 yards which really affects the Ravens offense. Colts in a close game.



Sunday's afternoon game has the Dallas Cowboys at the Minnesota Brett Favres. This is the year of the Romo. Better yet, this is the year of the Cowboys defense. It's scary man. When you put the game in the hands of a stellar defense and above average run-game, Tony Romo is one of the best QB's of the game. And I'm Brett Favre's biggest hater. So of course I'm going to wish him nothing but ill will. Cowboys do it again, 28-24.

THE EMPIRE: Cowboys over Vikings, 31-20. I hate them, but cant deny, the Dallas Cowboys are on fire right now. They have been clicking on all cylinders and Tony Romo is playing like he has shown he has the capability to play which is very good. If they Boys don’t turn the ball over, I think they take down Favre and the Vikings. The wheels started falling off coming down the stretch for the Vikes. Brett Favre thinks he is bigger than his team and the entire league and he is going to get an eye opener on Sunday. Your 40, you have retired 2 times already, hang em up Brett. I respected your first comeback but think one was just a debacle. I think Favre struggles and throws a couple interceptions, mistakes you cant make against this hot Dallas team.




And in the marquee match-up of the weekend, the New York Jets travel to face the San Diego Chargers. I'll be the first one to tell you, that I really like the Jets' defense. And I loathe the Jets. However, San Diego is practically an All-Pro team. Even Norv Turner can't fuck this team up. This is Philip Rivers' time to shine. And he will be able to overcome a new case of Gang Green. Chargers over Jets, 27-13.

THE EMPIRE: Jets over Chargers, 24-23. I have to keep my Superbowl winner in the playoffs right? Wrong. I'm staying loyal to NY and my Jets fans alike all over and taking the Jets in this game. I also want to pick a game that I know Wes and I won't have in common cause I believe we are tied at 1-3. To be honest, I really believe they can pull this upset off. All the same reasons I mentioned last week lead to the Jets victory, and unlike the Ravens, NY will be able to duplicate their impressive performance. Defense, and the run game stay solid and lead the Jets into the AFC Championship game next weekend. Rex Ryan has these guys believing and he's given Sanchez the confidence he needs. Jets on a last drive FG with time expiring.

Jersey Shore quotes of the week

“Like you look at me, you think I’m like a stuck up bitch, but yet like Vetrenarian, like that’s my zone, like I fucking like save animals, that’s like what I do.” - Snooki (could be a record for the most “like‘s” in one sentence.)

“Me and Keith start making out, we didn’t have sex, I don’t know why.” “He’s a nice guy, he’s gotta be clean” - Snooki (Wow)

Snooki- “Can I have a roll please” Situation “Don’t worry you got a couple” (Best line of the season so far)

“You like your girls like you like your underwear, dirty!” - Pauly D to the Situation

“Me and Sam actually leave at 4 o’clock, I couldn’t take it anymore like you know what I mean like we’ve been here since 12 o’clock, 5 hours is enough.” - Ronnie (sorry but last time I checked 12 to 4 is only 4 hours Ronnie)

“I’m not trashy, unless I drink to much.” - Snooki

Tragedy on the Court

ESPN - Southern Indiana player Jeron Lewis died on Thursday night, apparently from a head injury suffered during a game at Kentucky Wesleyan College. He was 21.

Lewis' feet became tangled and he fell to the floor of the Owensboro Sportscenter and hit his head, multiple witnesses told the Evansville Courier & Press. He lay prone as trainers from both teams attended to him. He began convulsing as they tried to secure him.

Lewis was taken to Owensboro Mercy Health System, where he was pronounced dead at 9:52 p.m. An autopsy was scheduled for Friday morning.

Lewis, a 6-foot-8, 260-pound center, left the team for two games to be present for the birth of his first child, son Jamel, in his hometown of Fort Wayne, Ind, in December, the Courier & Press reported.

"The university community is heartbroken with the passing of this outstanding young man," Southern Indiana President Linda Bennett said. "Jeron was an excellent example of a student athlete who strove to be the best that he could be. He will be truly missed, not only by his teammates, but by the university community. Our prayers are with Jeron's family in their time of need."

Lewis is survived by his infant son, fiance, mother and sister.



Always hate having to report on bad news like this. It's such a tragedy when an athlete passes away playing the sport they love. Lewis played at Division II Southern Indiana. Lewis also reportedly missed a couple games back in December to attend the birth of his first child. Our thoughts and prayers are with his friends and family.

I'd say he can play...

Mark Titus is the man. After I saw this video, I had to share it with the Improp readers but I was wondering why I had never heard much bout Mr. Titus. Turns out unfortunately Mark isn't much of a regular for the Buckeyes. He is a senior at Ohio State and he actually started as the team manager before making the team as a walk on in his freshman year. Coming into this year he had only played in a handful of games and only had a small number of stats, but that’s no big deal. Titus is hands down my favorite College Basketball player in the game today. On top of his sick game, top notch fundamentals, and a jumper that would put the likes of J.J. Reddick's all over to shame, Mark knows how to have fun. It's on display both in this video, and I also stumbled upon the fact that he too is a fellow Blogger member. His blog which is titled "Club Trillion" is the Olympics of blogging websites. He has received over 2 million hits sin he started it back in 2008 and it really is fun to read. It's nice to see that with all the college players these days that are so focused on making it to the next level and all the scandals surrounding the NCAA, guys like Mark are having fun and still making a name for themselves. This is absolutely they kind of guy I would have loved to get hammered with in college. What's wrong with Coach Matta, we need to get this guy in the game more often like his video shows, he makes it rain for real. Kudos Mark, good stuff.

Talk about a one sided affair!

I mean, mismatch doesn’t even really do this fight justice. It was in last nights Canucks-Wild game. There was a fight right before this one in the same period and the teams were going at each other all night, but this was the main event for sure. It featured Alexandre Bolduc and John Scott. To take a line from Grandma's Boy, this fight was like if Tyson were to fight a baby. Scott stands at a mind blowing 6'8", add skates to that and this guy is a 7 foot monster. I do have to hand it to Bolduc however, he did challenge him, but he is a Hockey player, he must not have been thinking straight. What’s even more stupid, Bolduc was the one who took off his helmet first and suggested it. That’s some balls right there, good old fashion Hockey fighting. This one however, probably didn't end up the way Bolduc had envisioned it going in his head before the bout.

Only in NYC

This guy never had a chance

Since when do they put tape down to walk in a straight line, thats like cheating. And what does he need the tape for, they're in a parking lot, there's lines everywhere.

Mets get bit early this season

NY POST- Happy New Year, the Mets already are hurting.

The euphoria of 2009's disappearance lasted exactly 12 days in Flushing, with the Mets last night announcing that Carlos Beltran underwent arthroscopic surgery on his right knee yesterday and will not be ready for Opening Day on April 5 versus the Marlins.

Two sources told The Post, however, that Beltran elected to have the surgery without the Mets' blessing. The statement released by the Mets indicated Beltran had a worsening of the osteoarthritis in his right knee.

The surgery was performed in Colorado by Beltran's personal physician Dr. Richard Steadman, but Beltran consulted with team physician Dr. David Altchek beforehand. Beltran is expected to resume baseball activities within 12 weeks, but that doesn't address when he would be available to actually play. Beltran played just 81 games last season because of a bone bruise in the knee.

A person familiar with the situation told The Post that the Commissioner's Office and the Players' Association have been alerted that "the Mets are claiming this was done without clearance and that the Mets are threatening to take some form of action. There is a potential issue out there."

Beltran's agent, Scott Boras, said the guarantee language in the slugger's contract requires advance written permission only for elective operations.





Looks like the Injury bug has struck it's favorite target once again, and this time before the season has even started. The Mets highest paid position player Carlos Beltran isn't going to be back until May at the earliest. The sad part is, Beltran didn't even let the Mets know he was going under the knife at this time. Why wouldn't he have the surgery when the season was over? Omar's job is not looking so hot right now. Even right after the signing of Jason Bay, this is not what the Mets needed at this point. Just another reason why the Mets can't get over the hump and get into the discussion of superior teams in the MLB.

Half Courter anyone?

Damn, what a shot. Corey Brewer drains this half court shot to send the game to OT vs. the Rockets. Just too bad Minnesota couldn't win their 9th game of the season, they still lost 120-114 in triple overtime. Unfortunate, they could have improved on their 22.5 games back in the west. Thats good for dead last in the Western confrence. Only the pride of New Jersey has a worse record than the Timberwolves.

Griffin out for good

Looks like the NBA's 2009 number one overall pick, Blake Griffin is taking a page out of Greg Oden's book. Griffin will have season ending knee surgery, even though his season never even started. Seems the curse of playing for the Clippers will live on. I see Griffin coming out of this surgery in good condition however and becoming a pretty legit NBA player. As much as im not a big fan of him, he's a big physical player that can bang around down low as long as he gets over this first disapointing season. Now all her needs to do is get away from the Clippers.

Ovi saved by the Bradley

He's not the biggest Lane Kiffin fan to say the least

This guy, like many in Tennessee are not very happy with Lane Kiffin's decision to leave the Vol's. I can see where this guy is coming from but for Tennessee's sake, probably a poor decision to post this video. Your making yourself, and you team look like complete morons. It is pretty hilarious however.

Guess this Wife Answer

This is the answer to the GTW from 2 days ago, sorry for the delay on the answer but it is not the answer to Wesley's post below. The answer to my post from a couple days ago was Italian keeper Gianluigi Buffon. Wes was right though, these "soccer fags" get all the girls. Kids shouldn't be so hard on them in High School, they know whats good for them, in Europe at least, but whats with that speedo?

Guess This Wife...

The soccer players in Europe always pull the hottest ass. I'm talking pound-for-pound, they have without question the sexiest wives/girlfriends. It's sickening really. It makes me really regret calling my friends who played soccer "foot fairies", because clearly they were on to something.

I mean this chick is Exhibit A. Just look at how she handles that hot dog. She's forceful, yet gentle. Hey she can top off my wiener any day. So without further adieu, can you guess which Argentinian gets to play hide the bologna pony with this SI swimsuit model?